Which Side Are You On?
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Which side of the bed do you sleep on? As creatures, we each have two sides, but in a couple, we tend to take to one side. Learn what your “sidedness” says about you and your couple hood. This fun analysis of bedroom geography, body, mind, and spirit is good for all couples, straights and gays because in any couple there are two genders. Learn what you give and what you receive and consider experimentation with your “sidedness.”


Which side are you on?  Many books and heated discussions ask that question about politics and religion:  Democrat or Republican?  Atheist or believer?  Some are almost as fervent as to whether you prefer Microsoft or Mac.    God, politics, and computer brands are the three areas not to be discussed at dinner parties or on airplane rides—for the safety of all concerned.  But “which side are you on” is a question that persists.  We often seem to set up two sides, whether to win the other over, to build a bigger fence around ourselves, or just have fun in debate.  This book asks that question, which side are you on, about bed.  Which side of the bed do you sleep on?  The left or the right.

Before you answer, let’s get oriented around the bed.  Don’t look at the bed, from the floor, at the foot of the bed:  hop right in!  Lie down—on your backs, please.  Now, which side are you on, left or right?

Just as you are left handed or right handed, most of us are bed sided.  Which side of the bed do you sleep on: the left side or the right side?  This is not about which side of your body you sleep on.  This is when you are flat on your back.  As for body sides, though, it seems most doctors say it is preferable when possible to sleep on the right side of your body with the left side up—because that way there is less pressure on the heart.  But that is not our question.  Our question is which side of the bed.  Lying on your back, are you closer to the left edge or the right edge?  OK; now we have that straight and we are ready to move on.

If you are one half of a couple, when you answer that question, you also answer which side The Other is on:  you are on the right and the other is on the left?  Or you are on the left side and the other is on the right side.  It can’t be any other way, which is one reason why couples are so interesting and so puzzling.  What makes a couple “work?”  Together you are one unit, and that unit has many aspects, some of which we take apart in this book to understand and then experiment with your relationship.  Relationships start—and end up—in bed.  Often they also fail in bed.  This book is about the feng shui of sleeping sides.


If you sleep alone, I suggest to you that you, too, have a preferred side.  Lots of times you do not realize what your side really is, too, until you break up with your mate and your body gravitates—rolls, stretches, lands—where it wants to be while alone.  You may realize then that you gave into your partner if you took to a less-preferred side which you only realize once you are alone.

When you begin to watch these things, you begin to get clearer and more balanced. Each one of us, man and woman, gay and straight, has two sides of our body, a left side and a right side; but in relationship to one another, we are on a side.  We tend to take to one side or the other, the left or the right of the unit of the couple.  This positioning says something about our relationship, but it is rarely looked at for the rich source of information, exchange, and experiment that it provides.

Sidedness is visible in many zones of our life, but we ignore its meaning and impact.  Just as we sleep on one side, we drive on one side, walk on one side, and do many things on one side—or the other—but we rarely think about it.  This book takes a look. I have asked about 500 people, and now I ask you, too:  Which side are you on?

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